I've Been Having A Private Party

          I’ve been having a private party lately.  It’s been me, my angels, and my four walls surprised at how far I’ve come already.  So I apologize once again for my absence, as this experience thus far has been captive of my time and attention lately.   Taking me on journeys to the deserts and beaches of Namibia, I have simply been on a high lately.  Aw, yes Namibia.  I finally made it there after years and years of fantasizing and longing to see the infamous sand dunes, I finally made it.   It was absolutely amazing.  Digging my toes in the sand and allowing the ice cold water of the Atlantic Ocean send electric chills up my spine, I felt at home once again.  Namibia was simply wonderful.

           I came back to Zambia to have a special quest drop in on my private party.  My best friend made the long trip to come and see me, and although she was anti-Africa for a while (it’s ok Rachel, you can admit it), she had a blast.  Our hitching days and vino nights took us not only on a journey throughout Zambia, but on a spiritual and emotional ride through past and present feelings of broken hearts, failed relationships, love, laughter, forgiveness, and the challenges of moving forward in life when the pain of holding on sometimes feels so much better.  Yes, we owe James five dollars for crying while we were together.  He clearly won that bet.

            But despite the crying and large amounts of wine and Adele’s “Someone Like You” and Lauryn’s “Tell Him”, the best thing about having my best friend come visit was the simple security in knowing that I’m not alone out here.  Through letters, phone calls, and visitors stopping by my party, I get to share this experience with some of the closest people in my life.  For that, I am extremely thankful.  It’s not about the past love’s that let you down or the one’s that couldn’t love you like we loved them, it’s simply about the woman I’m allowing myself to become today.

            If my private party has taught me one thing thus far, it’s simply to fly high on the wings of forgiveness.  Forgive because I have been forgiven.  It was in Kenya few years ago when this concept was first laid upon my heart by three amazing women and now I finally understand, I finally opened my heart to what they were truly saying.  Forgiveness is for me, not necessary for the other person. It gives me the ability to finally let go and move forward in my life.  So to past loves, friends, and even my dad, I have forgiven.

            My private party is simply just that.  Me, my angels, and my four walls proud at how far I’ve come already.  But if I didn’t remember what those three ladies taught me in Kenya, or Rachel dropping in to visit and allowing me to be vulnerable and accepting to the challenges happening in my life I simply wouldn’t be as comfortable and confident in the woman I am right now.  So for now, things are really good and I’m just going to continue rock out here in my party and enjoy the person I’ve become.