Rainy Days and Sleepless Nights

There’s something about the village that simply makes everything okay.  The slow pace, the scenery, the silence, I’m not too sure what exactly it is out here that offers itself as a healing to every fear and insecurity I may have, but I welcome it, I embrace it, I need it.  I am amazed at how this place in a sense has become my sanctuary, a place that holds tears of laughter, and tears of pain.  A place that has taken me on a mental and spiritual journey, I can never, I will never forget.  This place is patient, not demanding of my time nor energy.  Not begging me to force out my emotions and thoughts at a premature stage just for the entertainment of others.  This place is understanding, it is my village, my home.

I’m in the middle of my last hot season and the beginning of my final rainy season.  Swamp ass, sweaty back, dehydration, a leaky roof, and insomnia are how I spend my days and nights.  My equilibrium has been off lately, my Zen not quite on point, so once again I apologize for my recent hiatus as the last couple of months have not necessarily been a roller coaster ride, but more or less a tornado of emotions, a hurricane of thoughts.  Ups, downs, highs, and lows cannot even begin to express my bipolar experience out here in the bush.  I swear sometimes I live the days out chasing, searching for sunsets wondering if the day coming to an end was a success, and if the night quickly approaching will lead to comfort.  I am exhausted, and work in the past couple months have kept me so busy that the highlight of my day is sitting on my front porch coloring with my kids listening to thunder in the distance, watching lightening paint the sky, as I do my best to enjoy the last bit of cool air I’ll receive for the day.

The rats are back, this time using my mosquito net as a trampoline while I try to slip into some form of unconsciousness.  The roaches have returned playing games of hid and seek under my water buckets, and the termites have moved from the polls in my roof, to the frame around my door.  With a dead rat in my roof that I cannot find, small bugs living in my flour I continue to use for cooking, and sand, dirt, and water in my bed from the rains, I’ve simply surrendered myself to much that this environment has to offer.  I told you I was exhausted.  It’s been over a year since I left America, 17 months to be exact.  And through every blood, sweat, and tear that I’ve shed, I’ve had a thousand more laughs, smiles, and awesome memories made.  I’ve meet people who have changed my life.  I’ve heard stories that will stay with me forever.  This experience has been nothing short of amazing thus far.  And despite the rat in my roof that is slowly decaying, or the walls that leak, or one of the 7,500 mosquito nets that I helped distribute that people don’t sleep under or use to fish with, I know, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.  Right here in my village, because there’s something about this place that simply makes things better.

Peace & Love,

Baby Cheers

I've Been Having A Private Party

          I’ve been having a private party lately.  It’s been me, my angels, and my four walls surprised at how far I’ve come already.  So I apologize once again for my absence, as this experience thus far has been captive of my time and attention lately.   Taking me on journeys to the deserts and beaches of Namibia, I have simply been on a high lately.  Aw, yes Namibia.  I finally made it there after years and years of fantasizing and longing to see the infamous sand dunes, I finally made it.   It was absolutely amazing.  Digging my toes in the sand and allowing the ice cold water of the Atlantic Ocean send electric chills up my spine, I felt at home once again.  Namibia was simply wonderful.

           I came back to Zambia to have a special quest drop in on my private party.  My best friend made the long trip to come and see me, and although she was anti-Africa for a while (it’s ok Rachel, you can admit it), she had a blast.  Our hitching days and vino nights took us not only on a journey throughout Zambia, but on a spiritual and emotional ride through past and present feelings of broken hearts, failed relationships, love, laughter, forgiveness, and the challenges of moving forward in life when the pain of holding on sometimes feels so much better.  Yes, we owe James five dollars for crying while we were together.  He clearly won that bet.

            But despite the crying and large amounts of wine and Adele’s “Someone Like You” and Lauryn’s “Tell Him”, the best thing about having my best friend come visit was the simple security in knowing that I’m not alone out here.  Through letters, phone calls, and visitors stopping by my party, I get to share this experience with some of the closest people in my life.  For that, I am extremely thankful.  It’s not about the past love’s that let you down or the one’s that couldn’t love you like we loved them, it’s simply about the woman I’m allowing myself to become today.

            If my private party has taught me one thing thus far, it’s simply to fly high on the wings of forgiveness.  Forgive because I have been forgiven.  It was in Kenya few years ago when this concept was first laid upon my heart by three amazing women and now I finally understand, I finally opened my heart to what they were truly saying.  Forgiveness is for me, not necessary for the other person. It gives me the ability to finally let go and move forward in my life.  So to past loves, friends, and even my dad, I have forgiven.

            My private party is simply just that.  Me, my angels, and my four walls proud at how far I’ve come already.  But if I didn’t remember what those three ladies taught me in Kenya, or Rachel dropping in to visit and allowing me to be vulnerable and accepting to the challenges happening in my life I simply wouldn’t be as comfortable and confident in the woman I am right now.  So for now, things are really good and I’m just going to continue rock out here in my party and enjoy the person I’ve become.

It took me 2 months to find the words...

Hello everyone! I'm guest blogging for Nia about the incredible experience I had while visiting Zambia. Although I've been back to the States for 2 months, I was literally speechless and couldn't quite come up with the appropriate words to describe my experience until now. From Jan. 27-Feb. 11, I traveled to South Africa and Zambia to celebrate my birthday but most importantly to visit my sister. As the eldest of 3, I've always been the "protector" so I was nervous about Nia being so far away from home for the first time. Well if you want to grow up quickly, join the Peace Corps!!

In my eagerness I accidentally booked us into Livingstone instead of Lusaka so we had to take a bus to Mazabuka to meet Nia. The bus ride was very nice and even rivaled American bus companies MegaBus and Greyhound (although it doesn't take much to do that!). Upon our arrival in Mazabuka, Nia strolled up to meet us looking so strong and beautiful, I almost cried! Six months in the bush and she looked so regal!

After a taxi ride we entered Nia's village and were greeted by her host family. Her BaMama even did a little dance for us! The village was really nice and of course I gravitated to the beautiful children hanging around.

They even helped me collect water from the borehole and loved looking at their pictures in my camera preview. I was overwhelmed by the joy illuminating from their little faces!! Needless to say I had a great time playing with them, blowing bubbles and dancing to Outkast!

The next day we went to visit Nia's clinic and were able to volunteer and assist with the "Babies and Children Under 5" day. We weighed babies and kids and helped Nia and the staff with their daily activities. It was great! After we worked, we went to Nia's bosses home and her family prepared us a delicious meal of shima, chicken and pumpkin leaves.

Nia loves playing with her bosses children and had a growling match with her oldest son! He was a "lion" that week! Needless to say, Nia loves the babies!! We all had a great time in the village and then took a very interesting time catching a bus back to Livingstone. Let's just say that trying to catch a bus back on Saturday morning was considerably more challenging than I ever would have imagined.

Back in Livingstone, I was able to check a major item off my bucket list as we went rafting on the Zambezi river! This is truly an incredibly exhilarating experience and I recommend it for anyone who loves a great adrenaline rush!Check out Nia's face, she's terrified!!

After rafting we stopped by Victoria Falls (one of the 7 natural wonders of the world) for a few quick photo ops.

All in all it was a wonderful experience and I would do it again and again. Nia is adjusting very well and I'm looking forward to visiting her at least one more time before her volunteer experience is over. If you can make the trip, go visit Nia! Zambia is a stunningly beautiful country and I am eager to get back there and explore the Northern province. Right before we left, I had the opportunity to ride an elephant on a brief safari and poise for some pics on the Zambezi!!

~Cheers

6 Months In...

Happy 6 month anniversary to me!!!  This experience continues to come with its ups and downs, but despite my many many challenges, I'm learning new things everyday and I'm counting my blessings.  A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you wonderful people back at home.  I had plans on writing a lot sooner, but as usual, my access to internet has been nonexistent for the past couple of weeks.  I'm sure you all had a warm and loving holiday season.  I spent my Christmas break in Choma, our Southern Provincial capitol with my volunteer family.  All I wanted for Christmas was for the termites to stop eating through my walls.  Apparently, I was a naughty girl last year, because Santa ignored my wish.  I returned to my hut in early January to find them not only eating through my walls, but also the support beams that hold my roof up.  Wonderful!  So when my roof collapses, you all will be the first to know.  I decided to live it up for New Year's and headed even further south to Livingstone to ring in the New Year at the amazing Victoria Falls and the Zambezi River.  Staying true to my bucket list, I went Bunji Jumping off the Falls for NYE.  Yes, I did it.  I jumped 111 meters off the Zambia/Zimbabwe bridge over looking the Victoria Falls.  I've always wanted to do it ever since I was a little kid and I can say, with all the confidence in the world, that I will NEVER do it again.  It was absolutely awful.  I just knew I was going to hit the water below.  I forgot that when you Bunji Jump, there is a yoyo aspect to it.  As I bounced up and down, all I wanted was for the experience to quickly come to an end.  My brain felt like jello after the experience, and once I was pulled back up to the bridge I just wanted to get back on solid ground.  Needless to say, I made the jump and crossed one more exciting adventure off my list of dumb shit to do.

I've been back in my village for about a month now, and I can honestly say that things are going well.  The rains have finally come which is beyond refreshing.  The extreme heat is gone for now, and I am so thankful.  The clinic continues to keep me busy.  I'm in the process of working on a few projects in my community regarding HIV/AIDS.  School is back in sessions and I'm working with the science teachers and health workers with their Anti AIDS and health clubs.  So with all that said, I'm really looking forward to my work this year.

Imani, Beverly, and Peanut will be here in Zambia in a little less than two weeks and I'm so excited for their visit.  I have been looking forward to this trip for a long time, and I cannot believe it's finally here.  I don't know if they're ready for village life, but they're stepping up to the challenge and making their way out to the African Bush. I will definitely let you all know how that experience goes.  Once again, I have to go and head back to the village.  I continue to miss and love you all and I promise to keep in touch.

Peace & Love,
Baby Cheers